October 19, 2019
Okay, this may seem kind of "sick" to even say BUT, today is the Baltimore Running Festival, and I am kind of jealous & bummed that I am not running 13.1 or 26.2 today. I have mentioned that I have laced the running shoes back up as of late and maybe, just maybe, I will have sign up next year. I was sharing this revelation with my Mom yesterday, and her response "been there done that Janine BUT if you want to, GO FOR IT."
I have a love/hate relationship with running. My body was not built for distance; okay, hold the phone, we can ALL do it but for individuals like myself who carry a lot more muscle, are less lean, and can sprint better like a MOFO, it can be a different beast. Literally and figuratively. Plus, I am so damn competitive that I would want to get out there, go balls to the wall, and try to break the 3:50 time that I (almost) did, gosh, 6 years ago now.
What is crazy to think that my very 1st marathon - I had been a long time half-marathoner before that point - was the Baltimore Marathon in 2010. Yes, 9 freaking years ago which I cannot even believe. It feels like yesterday. In fact, look at this picture that my Dad captured of me as I ran down Light Street. Go Janine, only 13 more miles to go. Dear God help me!
This was one of the toughest, yet most rewarding experiences, of my life...only to turn around and do countless more half-marathons, 2 additional FULL marathons and a LOT of other races in between! Little did I know, this "mental toughness" was going to be what carried me through the next 9 years of hardship, heartbreak, and starting all over.
Reason #3: Life is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
I guess I have not really thought about it until now - no, no, I have always viewed "life being a marathon, not a sprint" - but the mental toughness of 26.2 (and even the various other races I have endured) may have prepared (you are not fully prepared) for the toughness I was going to endure down the road.
And maybe that is why I feel the pull of wanting to do a race again. Post-divorce, I am now feeling the toughness of needing to do something that takes my mind off of all the things that I feel are messy, complicated, and heavy in my life right now.
My personal life.
My professional life.
My financial life.
My emotional life.
It's easy to put on heels, get fancy, and put a smile on your face. But, behind all of this, there is still a feeling of wanting more. Needing more. And not feeling taken advantage of/consumed by these things in my life right now.
Maybe life would not feel so messy, complicated, or heavy if I opened my eyes to what I want and deserve. And maybe it would not take 26.2 miles - or 13.1 for that matter - to recognize this but to use it as an outlet to soul search and expend my energy on the possibilities for the future.
Until then, I will keep hustling, keeping my head up, and deciding whether or not I have a half or full marathon in me once again. Cheers to those running today; you are freaking AMAZING!
P.S. In case you have missed them, here are the past "12 Reasons Why "19" Has My Heart" posts:
Seasons of Love
2 Health Nuts
'Tis The Season
Cheese & Charcuterie