September 19, 2019
The current weather in Baltimore - high of 71 degrees with not a cloud in the sky. No joke, this was the same weather on this day 10 years ago - September 19th, 2009. I was 23 years old, giddy as all get out, and about to embark on that next chapter in my life. I remember sitting at the kitchen island with my Mom, as we put the finishing touches on programs and could not believe the day had, finally, arrived.
It was a little over a year, prior to the 19th, that all of the planning had begun. To this day, I will never forget the words that my Mom spoke one Saturday afternoon in July - "Pete (my Dad) and I cannot wait to throw you your 'best day ever' BUT the one thing we ask is that you never hurt our daughter."
Today, as I sit in front of my computer, I reflect on these last 10 years. While the anger has subsided, the hurt and sadness still seem to linger. The hurt of a heart that was betrayed and broken, and the sadness for a man who was (and, presumably, still is) living a complete lie.
I don't want to reflect too much on the fact that today would have marked my 10 Year Wedding Anniversary - I gave a good indication of this last month - but more of where I am right now.
Reason #4: I woke up this morning feeling BRAND NEW.
Have you heard the song by will.i.am called "It's A New Day?" Funny, I am pretty sure it is a political reference given the music video but the lyrics just seem to speak to me; they especially did today.
I did not wake up this morning feeling lonely. In fact, I woke up feeling like this is where I was meant to be in life. Going into the week, I was not sure how the emotions would play out. Trust me, it felt nothing like that 1st year. But, as I said, "I woke up this morning feeling brand new."
Last month, I stated that the greatest gift my ex could have given me was to LET ME GO. The gift of letting me become the woman who I was always meant to be, personally and professionally. No settling, sacrificing for the WRONG reasons, and feeling like my worth is for not.
When I think about all that I have endured over the last 10 years, it really is eye-opening. For all the happiness, heartache, sleepless nights, doubting myself, ups and downs of owning a business, and everything in between, I am still standing. I get out of bed every morning, putting one foot in front of the other, and just trying to live my best life...as messy and ugly as it can feel/seem at times.
I woke up this morning, feeling content and confident that I am right where I need to be at this given moment in time. No right or wrong; just navigating this ever evolving journey. Every day I continue to learn life lessons that are making me a better person, and dear God I know I am a work in progress.
Because, this is me, Janine Serio, edition 20.0 now - ha! - and continuing to follow my heart (and gut). FYI: When I really started listening to it, I have not been steered wrong yet!
One of the things my gut told me to do - go have pictures at the George Peabody Library this week. This was the 1st time I stepped into the venue since I walked out post-Wedding reception 10 years ago. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I sad upon entering? I felt a little emotional. Did I feel more bad ass than anything? Absofuckinglutely!
Here's to the next chapter!
P.S. In case you have missed them, here are the past "12 Reasons Why "19" Has My Heart" posts:
Seasons of Love
2 Health Nuts
'Tis The Season
Cheese & Charcuterie