April 3, 2019
In honor of it being Wednesday, and "Hump Day," I thought it was fitting that I speak on this topic of "just going commando." And oh how I love it!
Yes, a cocktail is so in hand for this one! Ha!
The other day I was posed the question - "When are we the most energetic, creative, and daring?" That very question was then followed up with this response - "When we free our minds of fear, inhibition, and doubt."
Fear and doubt. Two words that scare the shit out of me, yet, have become a bit of a "turn on" as of late.
Fear is normal and, at times, inevitable, but it can rob you of a lot too. For the last few years, fear has seemed like that relative who has overstayed their welcome.
I have feared opening up my heart to falling in love again; I have feared that being divorced meant that I wore a "Scarlet Letter;" I have feared that people will think I am weak because my family has been helping me through a time where I am deciding "what is the next step," all while I use my paychecks & investments to support the business(es) I have created and wholeheartedly believe in;" and, more importantly, I fear losing my authenticity and the person I am.
Doubt, on the other hand, can be a little more of a mind fuck. It can be easy to doubt yourself and other people, especially when you have been betrayed, hurt, cheated on, etc. How does that saying go? "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" Coming off a week where I was immersed with 2000+ women who are navigating the (same) social media space can make you doubt what you are doing. There were many the conversations with my business partner where I said "do we need to just start over?"
When I peel back the layers on all this, though, these preconceived ideas of what I am fearing, and why I have doubted my ability, come down to one thing - PERFECTION.
You know "the PERFECT marriage, the PERFECT job, the house with the white picket fence, 2.2 kids, soccer Mom, soccer Dad, home cooked meal on the table every night, PTA this, PTA that, nothing messy, nothing out of place, summer vacations on the Cape, and perfect, perfect, perfect." In reality, unhappy, unhappy, unhappy.
I will be the FIRST person to tell you that perfection is one of the biggest myths out there - yes, even a few years ago I did an online course on this very topic - YET there is still a resistance within me that just cannot seem to let it go. Okay, that is not necessarily true; I have gotten a lot better and can recognize when I am tipping on the side of "I need things to look a certain way for me to be accepted, valued, loved, etc."
But it is still hard.
After listening to Joanna Gaines keynote talk at the Summit last week, she said that one of the things she does everyday is ask herself these 3 questions - "Who am I? What am I doing? Am I in the lane I am SUPPOSED to be in?" If they cannot easily be answered, are "fuzzy," or are deviating from who you know you are (at your core), then it is time to check in with yourself.
Or, in my case, go completely commando. And, I have done a lot of this recently.
The only person you have to prove yourself to is YOU. When we stop worrying about what people think, or how we will be perceived, or WHATEVER, there is a, definite, sense of relief. There is a freedom that inserts itself that just makes everything seem "easier." Vulnerability comes a lot more natural and, honestly, you just start to have more fun. You are happier. Less stressed. You wear the "zero fucks given" t-shirt with more confidence than ever before.
When you stay true to you, and in your lane, your creativity will thrive, authenticity will naturally follow, and things will just start to fall into place. Don't let fear, doubt, and insecurities keep you feeling "small" and "weak." I am giving you full permission to hold me to this as well.
Adulting is hard enough; don't think you think going commando will make it a whole lot more fun (and interesting)!?!?