July 21, 2020
Mistaking Kindness for Weakness
I kind of want to start singing the song "Four Five Seconds" by Rhianna, and the former Presidential Candidate, Kanye West, when I hear the phrase - "mistaking kindness for weakness." Sorry, I just had to go there with the Kanye reference. You have to laugh. WTF!!!
I have mentioned in previous posts that I am a big believer in going with my gut. I ignored it for so long but now, more than ever, I listen to it. Most of the time, it is spot on. Regardless of the outcome, I follow my gut & heart with no regrets.
But what happens when your kindness gets mistaken for weakness? You know, your gut is pulling you in one direction, and you go for it, only for it to be brushed off and/or not even acknowledged? This is just one example but it has been something that I have experienced recently. I go into the exchange knowing that the "well is dry," but I still jump in. Because I care. Because it is me.
I read a great excerpt from a gentleman who said his Dad learned THIS very phrase [don't mistake kindness for weakness] in the Marines. It spoke to the fact that, while a Marine can be kind and caring, take advantage of him and he will kick your ass. And this is, exactly, how I feel. I shared with someone a while back to not mess with me when it comes to a relationship. Before you get all "woah," it was said in a very nice way. I have been hurt, and I will never allow myself to go back to that place.
So much of my life - mostly, post divorce - has been spent feeling disappointment in certain arenas. I spend way too much time concerned with WHY things are not reciprocated, or why I feel taken advantage of, and then it brings me back to this very phrase.
I put myself out there too much because that is ME. I need to set better boundaries and/or recognize that, yes, when that well is dry all the caring and kindness in the world is going to do nothing but turn into disappointment. Maybe some resentment. Maybe even a "who the F do you think you are?"
It's my nature to take care of people, and to care too much, but, most of the time, it backfires. Case in point, the situation with my ex-husband. All of these years later - it is hard to believe it will be 4 years, next month, when we were officially divorced - I still feeling disappointed, hurt, and a life turned upside down.
What do you do moving forward?
It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks but, sometimes, these are the very life lessons that you need to go through. Is/was it a mistake to go with your gut and be vulnerable? No f-ing way. It's part of the process and needs to be done in order to see someone, or something, for their true colors. Although it may take a few times to really feel that shift, and take the rose colored glasses off, try not to allow too much space for negative energy and super dry wells.
Trust me, I am working on it a LOT myself.
At the end of the day, I need to focus on taking care of my needs/wants. And that is what I want for you too! If you feel you do a really good job of this, I would love to know some of your strategies and techniques on how you work through your process!
Until then, I will keep doing what I need to do, and I hope you will do the same. And, if it means doing so in a super cute Love Shack Fancy dress, alongside a "Beer Unites Us" sign, well so be it! Last week, I showcased this beauty and I hope you had a chance to check it out! Ahhhh, I have received some many compliments on it, and I think you need to have it in your closet too! I really am pining for the same style in a different color!
Because being single is fabulous, and it shows a lot of strength, confidence, and not settling for what you want!
Happy Tuesday love! Hope it is filled with all those wonderful things that fill you up, and maybe a side of tacos and tequila. I am still dreaming of the lentil taco pasta I made last night! Yes, you read right, PASTA!
P.S. Remember, do not let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness, unless you want a stylish kick ass! Ha!
Seasons of Love
2 Health Nuts
'Tis The Season
Cheese & Charcuterie