December 19, 2018
Wow, 33. How did I get so f-ing old? Okay, I kid but, STILL, I felt like I was just cringing at the fact that I was turning 23. It is amazing to think how my life has changed in over the last 10 years.
My current status, sitting in my beautiful hotel room at the Fairmont Miramar & Bungalows in Santa Monica, California, watching the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean and finishing up my 2nd cup of coffee. Yes, a 3rd will be on the docket, for sure.
I, actually, want to start this post with a text that my Mom sent me earlier today. This, followed by the Birthday card from my parents, and I woke up with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. You know, I remember Birthday's as a kid being SO FUN and EXCITING. You just could not wait for the BIG DAY. And, while I plan on making today a Birthday that is #fit4janine, I will be excited for it to be tomorrow - ha!
I mean, who wouldn't have tears in their eyes?
No, I am not wishing the day away, but I always feel there is this "pressure" and/or "expectations." Does that make sense? And it is always a big joke - you never get to do what YOU want on your Birthday (it is what everyone else wants to do, LOL). It is a little different for me but, hopefully, you get where I am going with it. As for what I will be doing, you will just have to wait and see in a later BlOG post OR stay connected with me ALL DAY today on Instagram.
While I will be, certainly, WINE-ING down all day - it is Wednesday after all - I did want to, briefly, recap my 32nd year...and, boy, what a year it has been.
There has been so much that I have learned this year, both personally and professionally, and, I think the biggest area I want to focus on today - there are so many - is that I allowed my heart to fall in love again. I remember sitting in my AirBNB last year, in this very location, wondering what my 32nd year would look like. How would my business look? Would I be making the leap to move to California (or somewhere outside of Baltimore)? My sister was getting married - how would I feel with all of the pomp and circumstance of the festivities?
Would I be in a relationship? Would I, finally, let my past be in the past, and allow myself to trust and open up to another man.
And, while BIG THINGS are happening for my business, and I am still living in Baltimore but embracing the travel life, and my sister's Wedding was BEAUTIFUL and I came through it just fine (LOL), I would say my biggest "hurdle" was getting back out there in the dating world.
As I mentioned, I tried my hardest to let those walls down and open my heart. Oh, the vulnerability piece is quite the exercise and practice for me! It was a great ride, and I had a lot of fun, and, while it still hurts, and I am sad that I am sitting here, writing this "back in the single lane," I have more faith and trust in myself that I can do THIS. Because, this has been a year of focusing on the lessons I have learned to help me grow, as hard as it can be at times.
The #trusttheprocess mantra has been on repeat!
For fun, I did look up the significance of "33," and, it was kind of cool to see what it had to say. Apparently, "no number has more esoteric significance than the number 33." I am not really into all the "woo woo" that is depicted - feel free to google if you are interested - BUT, as we know everything happens in "3's." It represents the physical, spiritual, and mental components, as well as eternal life, the flow of nature, and spiritual growth too. And, I may have to have another cup of coffee or glass of SOMETHING to decipher the other minutia.
Regardless, I have a good feeling about 33. Odd number aside, this, coupled with the fact that it will be "2019" in less than 2 weeks - because "19" is my number - I can only wait to see where I am sitting this time next year. Oh, and can I let you in on a little secret? This is the FIRST year I, actually, have written out my personal and professional goals & intentions for the next 12 months. Yes, while many years I will think about what I want, I am making sure that, by December 31st, they are written down and committed to paper (or my Evernote at least).
Okay, one more little secret...while I may have expensive taste, and struggle with vulnerability at times, and wear my emotions on my sleeve, I am, probably, one of the most generous, kind, caring, compassionate, hard-working, and recovering "perfectionists" you will meet.
33, bring it on...ready for this next chapter!
P.S. Just remember, if you want to see what is happening on my BIG DAY, make sure to stay connect to my Instagram and Instastories too! <3 And don't you just love this oldie by goodie of a picture? I mean, the hair is on FLEEK and the parasol is on point! LOL! I believe I was about 5 years old here!